I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
