just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
