Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
