a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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