sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
how can u be prego again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
