my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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