you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
