david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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