Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
