That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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