Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
