My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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