I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
