he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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