The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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