Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
