wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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