that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
