just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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