need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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