hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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