I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
