Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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