I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
