It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
