Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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