i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
