wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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