I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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