This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
