so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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