oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
