I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
not ubering you a puppy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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