You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't notice because vodka
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
