I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
