If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize