can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
