I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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