On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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