dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
