He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My hand turned me down
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
