normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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