Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
