this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
