Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
