Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
