Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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