And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
