Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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