I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
