I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
