i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
