I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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