So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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