She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
