You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
