So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this beer tastes like vomit already
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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