We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
