why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
