Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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