i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize