I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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