i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
