so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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