dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize