mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
