I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
