I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
