Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I lost the right to judge tonight
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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