tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
