you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize