he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
