I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
