ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
