I want to make a zoo with you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
