So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me I should be a condom model.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize