I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
