either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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