her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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