I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my poor anus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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