help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
