I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize