I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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