This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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