He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
