he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
