someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
