I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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