Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
