I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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