It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
