It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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