Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
