she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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