Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
pray to the hookup gods
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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