You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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