Me too!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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