return my video game
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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