im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
