I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize