He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
