if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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