Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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