I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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