I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize