Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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