Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
